Rules of Life

Things I've learned... for women:

Smile when answering the phone. 

Never buy generic toilet paper. 

Don't put Neosporin on a facial cut unless you want a visible scar. 

Always pee right after having sex. 

Invest in a Roth IRA whenever you have an extra $200. 

Bleach:  Seriously, a dab will do ya.  No need to waste it.

Treat people in the service industry (waiters, cashiers, etc.) with respect. 

If his friends are douchenozzles, don't marry him. If you're looking for excuses that include, "Well, his friends are douchenozzles," definitely don't marry him.  

Single men in their 40s are single for a reason. 

Quality time is over-rated; it's how the quantity time is handled that counts in the end. 

Your parents are human, yet you will think you make more mistakes than they did. 

Don't salt your food before you take the first bite.  If you're a guest at someone's house, don't salt the food at all.  Unless the hostess is out of the room.

"Sir" goes a long way... "ma'am" slightly less than "sir," but better than "hey." 

The best hangover cure -- instantly -- is scrambled eggs, hair of the dog, and three ibuprofen. 

And, things to never change for a man: Your university, your career, your goals, or your hairstyle... you will regret the change and resent the man.


Just checking in.

I'm still around, but things have been pretty hectic:

(1) Things at work are busier than they've ever been.  I come home every day feeling like I ran around for nine hours but without the sense that I actually got much done.  Those of you that work in offices might be able to relate:  I feel like I spend so much time in meetings that I can't actually DO anything like I would at my own desk.

(2) David and I have started going to the gym every day after work (except for Wednesdays, because that's my hellishly busy work day), and it's taken some adjustment.  For example, running/speedwalking for an hour a day instead of sitting on my ass.  Makes a bit of a difference.  One side effect, perhaps:  My dreams have been crazy vivid.  Am I sleeping deeper? 

(3) David has gone back to work, so I no longer have a stay-at-home roommate.  That means I actually have to help with dishes, trash cans, and crap on the floor (sometimes literally...remind me to thank our cats).

I would really like to get back into writing nearly every day, because I enjoy it and it's pretty much the only outlet I have other than cooking and swearing.

Also, I was at Walmart today at lunch, and I saw this in the checkout line:

I've showed two people this photo so far (and I put it on Reddit), and no one seems to get it at first.  Or they don't think it's funny.  But screw them; it's hilarious.

David's birthday is tomorrow.  I put his gift(s) in a dented cardboard box I found at work.  For anyone who remembers my gift-wrapping skillz from last year...

...that's right.  I'm still the master.