12.15.2011

Square peg personality

So I have a number of what people might be inclined to call "dude hobbies."

I play computer and video games (got my early access yesterday in SWTOR, yay!), my fantasy football teams do really well, I love IndyCar, and I get bored really easily when people talk about relationships.  David might disagree, but I'm also going to go ahead and say that I can predict the thoughts and actions of men pretty well.  I can think like a guy.  Like a sixth sense, except useless.

You would think that, if I were in a group of guys talking about any of the above topics, I wouldn't get talked over, interrupted, etc. -- and that's if I can get a word in edgewise to begin with.  Sometimes I think about yelling at the top of my lungs and beating everyone else unconscious just so I can throw in my two cents to the conversation. 

Mostly, this is about lunchtime.  Happens all the time when I'm on a break for lunch.  If there are a bunch of guys together*, it's like they know the exact nanosecond that the guy talking is going to stop talking, and then exactly one guy starts and ends a sentence, and so on.  Every three seconds, I open my mouth to speak, but someone else jumps in.  If I do get to speak, it's like I'm not even there.  I'm either interrupted or they drown me out.  OR, I'll speak, but they're not listening because something has already clicked in their minds that tells them the conversation has officially, cleanly ended.  And then there's some stupid girl still talking about it.  When did she get here?  Who the fuck is that, anyway? 

Sometimes I'll get a grunt in response when I keep talking beyond the conversation cul de sac, but most of the time, that's when the dudes suddenly become really interested in the food in front of them.  Maybe they think that if they listen to me, I'll stop and say, "Oh!  Now that I have your attention...[costume change]  Let's talk about omigawwWWW SHOPPING FOR PURSES AND WHO IS GETTING TOTTTALLY FAT AND THIS GIRL AT MY GYM THAT IS SUCH.  A.  BETCH!  [jazz hands]"

Back in October, I was talking to one of my co-workers at lunch about Dan Wheldon.  A few people at the next table were talking about the same thing.  After a while, one of the people at the other table came by and said, jokingly, "You're not a very good eavesdropper." 

Me:  What?
Dude:  You were talking about what we were talking about.
Me:  Yeah, but it was on my mind, too.
Dude:  Oh.  Wow, you know who Dan Wheldon is?
Me:  Was.  (In my head:  Now leave me the fuck alone.)

That guy was being not only a bit of a prick and not to mention sexist to assume I didn't know the name of a racecar driver, but also a narcissist to think I was only talking about that because he and his buddies were.  And this happens all the freaking time.       


* This phrase is blowing my mind right now.  I wrote it and then thought, "Hmmm.  A 'bunch' is singular, so wouldn't it be 'there is a bunch'?  but then how can a bunch be 'together'?  What the fuck!  WHERE AM I?!"

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