11.11.2011

Is being surrounded by idiots entertaining or frustrating?

First off, I'd like to wish David a happy Veteran's Day, thank him for his service, and express my gratitude for the fact that he came home safely.  Well, he's got a bit of a bad shoulder.  And a potty mouth.  But still.


David, relaxing at home in "his" king chair.  Buy a veteran a drink today!
Meanwhile, I have had one of the longest weeks at work I've ever had.  I never planned to write much about work on here because I don't want to get dooced, but it's tempting.  To top it off, we're getting our annual audit next week.  And even though audits are just a part of the industry, they still make me really nervous.  Just the connotation of the word "audit"... like when I was eighteen and filling out my very first 1040EZ, I have memories of my mom hovering over my shoulder, at first warning me, and then demonstrating how easily she could fly off the handle:  "Be careful how you fill those out, and save all your receipts.  You don't want to have any regrets if you get audited, because that's serious stuff.  Wait, what are you doing?  Don't write it in like that!!  WHAT IF YOU GET AUDITED?!"  Cue me looking around in fear, expecting to see a silhouette of an auditor in a Fedora and a suit creeping around outside, waiting to audit me and ruin my life.

I even went to an internal auditing course earlier this year.  I passed the exam, but really all I did was frighten myself.

Anyway, so I've been pretty tense at work, resulting in headaches every day.  I then realized that I'd had tension headaches every day for a long time, so I finally broke down and got a massage.  First time I've ever had a male massage therapist (though he calls himself a "physical therapist," I can't really bring myself to say that I'm in physical therapy, because I feel like I'd need a prosthetic leg or something to get that distinction), and yes, it's awkward.  It's hard not to think about, especially when he's talking about the knots I have...in my pectorals. 

One thing that was cool, though:  when he started out (and most massages I've gotten start out similar to this), he just circled around the table I was on, firmly pressing on each "area" of my body.  My feet, shoulders, etc.  When he was on my legs, he pressed down just above my knee, and as he continued to work, he said, "So how old were you when you threw your back out?"

I was 19, at a Rush concert.  I hadn't told him that I was rocking out to "Working Man," felt a hollow pop, couldn't move the next day, and pretty much spent the rest of that summer in a chiropractor's office.  That chiropractor was hot, though.  Looked like Mr. Clean.  Anyway, but I guess my hamstring still gives it away, eight years later.

He worked on areas that, once loosened up, will take care of my headaches.  Some moves didn't surprise me... he did my neck, my shoulders, and upper back.  But he also did my pecs (Dad, if you're reading this, please don't shoot him), and he stuck his fingers in my eyes, which is ultimately what got rid of my headache.  I have never heard of this.  Has anyone heard of this?  How does this work?!  It was very intense, especially the eye part, and several times during my 60 minute massage, I had to breathe through the more painful parts.  When he was done, he asked how I felt, and I told him that my entire upper body felt like I'd just run a mile or done a hundred push ups.

So that was on Monday.  Tuesday, I pretty much felt like I was recovering from surgery.  I was miserable.  He'd told me to hydrate, and I was like, "Mmmhmm, okay, yessir," and then I was all, "oooh look, vodka," and I didn't use any ice packs like he'd instructed, so I basically did it to myself.  And then I had a shit day at work.  I need to invest stock in Pfizer.  I've had so much freaking ibuprofen over these headaches/neck aches that I'm surprised my liver hasn't gone on strike.

Anyway, is anyone reading this a male massage therapist?  It was really a different experience for me.  I mean, I know it's just your job and everything, but seeing ladies in the buff... do you ever check them out?  I couldn't help but wonder that while this guy was working on muscles just below my collarbone.  One person I mentioned this to said, "Well, male doctors see naked women all the time, and they don't check you out because they're just doing their job.  It's the same thing."  I dunno... male doctors don't work on women's bodies in a sensual way in order for them to feel pampered.  Male doctors do, however:  apply gauze, weave stitches, test reflexes, maybe perform surgeries, etc.  And they have to literally instruct people to say "ahhhhh."  Massage therapists just do whatever they do, and people say "ahhhhh" pretty much nonstop for an hour.  (Although in my case, the massage therapist was beating the living crap out of me, so I was not "ahhhhh"ing.  In fact, at one point, I kept telling him to go fuck off.  He didn't mind.) 

Wish me luck for my appointment today.  Actually, wish me luck for tomorrow.  I hope I feel better than I did on Tuesday.

In other news, I got a weekend beta invite for SWTOR!!  I downloaded it last night, so after my massage, I'll be testing out on whatever Sith class isn't as busy.  David's guessing that'll be the classes that don't use lightsabers.  So, so exciting, even though David hasn't gotten my new gaming computer yet, so I'm still on my bitty laptop while he's on his monstrous new gaming computer with eleventy-thousand-billion GB or whatever.  (I don't know anything about computers.  All I know is that there's a blue light in the tower fan thingie, so his tower glows blue, and he's got different color lightbulbs for it as well.  It's super pretty.)  I'll just play on a low graphics setting until I get my new PC. 

David and I aren't going to get anything done this weekend, I think.  Not counting SWTOR stuff.  Which sucks because Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away, and we're hosting.

5 comments:

  1. He stuck his fingers on your ta's and in your eyes? I wish I had known that this is the secret to getting rid of headaches. I'd have been headache free a long time ago.

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  2. Yeah, he stuck his fingers between my eye and my eye socket around the top. I don't know how it works, but it feels like a lot of pressure. As far as massaging my pecs, that just plain hurt.

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  3. I do the eye thing to myself. It cuts off your circulation and causes your blood vessels there to expand slightly due to higher pressure... why that feels good I don't know, but it does. Also makes your eyes get sparkles sometimes. I tend to stop doing it If that happens
    I am a skeptic when it comes to chiropractors though. OG

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  4. I do the eye thing to myself. It cuts off your circulation and causes your blood vessels there to expand slightly due to higher pressure... why that feels good I don't know, but it does. Also makes your eyes get sparkles sometimes. I tend to stop doing it If that happens
    I am a skeptic when it comes to chiropractors though. OG

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  5. As I read this post, a part of me internally screeched in horror. Being poked in the eyes and groped for medicinal purposes? Yeesh...

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