11.12.2011

And I thought I was already a nerd.

I stayed up until 2 a.m. last night playing Star Wars: The Old Republic as a weekend beta tester.  As I've mentioned before, SWTOR is pretty much like World of Warcraft, but with better storylines and Star Wars stuff.

I was a bit intimidated at first -- very overwhelmed with the controls, buttons, whatever -- but I kept hearing Cartman's voice from the South Park episode "Make Love, Not Warcraft," where he says, "Go buy World of Warcraft, install it on your computer, and join the online sensation before we all murder you."

All the pressure came from the fact that David has been so deliriously excited for this game to come out.  He convinced me to play, and we set up a guild with our friends and family members.  I just wanted to be awesome right from the start.  A natural.  Like someone who could just swoop in having never played an MMO RPG in her life and conquer everything.  (Okay.  I didn't have a better analogy, so I just said exactly what I was trying to do.)

And I was awkward.  I was frustrated.  I kept running into walls and getting my directions mixed up.  David would tell me to look at my map and see what I needed to do; I looked at my map and calmly asked, "WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING FOR.  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST."

After only about an hour, I took a break and made us some enchiladas.  I thought that watching last night's episode of Kitchen Nightmares (which documents the trials, tribulations, and idiocy of the family that runs the Los Angeles insane asylum restaurant The Burger Kitchen) would help soothe my nerves and relieve some of the pressure I felt I was under, but now that I see that logic in the light of day, I wonder what the fuck I was smoking to think that Kitchen Nightmares could do anything less than make someone develop epilepsy.  Not one person in that family was likable.  The mother, who yawns and feigns sleep with an obnoxious look on her face and doesn't listen to anyone.  The father, who has conspiracy theories and hovers around the kitchen like a fly on a horse's ass and doesn't listen to anyone.  The son, whose whiny voice leads everyone to believe he's a "victim" when he's really just a doormat with ugly hipster hats who's also too stuck up to listen to anyone.  And the son's girlfriend:  Obnoxious, ugly hats, doesn't listen to anyone, and obviously on meth.

The American version of that show is such crap -- family members scream at each other until one of them does a complete 180 and starts crying, and then Chef Ramsay gives them a new menu on a silver platter and leaves.  But I digress.

I came back to the game with a full tummy of enchiladas and the knowledge that nothing is more annoying and frustrating than shitty people.  And I got more agile, I got used to some concepts, and I started taking actions on certain things where David responded with "atta girl... I didn't even have to tell you!"

This morning I woke up -- NOT sore from my massage, yay! -- excited to play the game again and eventually become all fat and zitty like the South Park characters on a mission.

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